I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
