my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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