I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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