i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
