We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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