What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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