So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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