He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
