Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
