i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize