i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching her eat just hurts me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize