Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
