Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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