are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
