Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
