to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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