Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
