I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's like iHOP with fire
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
