five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
