there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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