I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
