Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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