Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's blow job season.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
