The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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