the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
