I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
