I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
