Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
