I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
