You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
