Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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