Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
