He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
