Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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