Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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