I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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