I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Vodka?
Forever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we're so committed to being not committed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
