I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
