The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
