who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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