It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
