During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
