her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
