So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
