i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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