her vagine was all disorganized.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
