You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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