his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
send nudes
from the living room?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
