just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All the doctor said was why
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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