You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
