i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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