There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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