dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
