just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
