I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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