I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
