you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
