So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you never un-have a 4some
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
