The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
