gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
