It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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