Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
