Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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