I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
