evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
