I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
