somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
