How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
