When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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