I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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