I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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